I don't fully accept that I have DID.
A lot of the time, I feel like I'm lying about it.
Or that sharing about my DID is 💯 wrong, as if I'm committing a crime.
Or that my diagnosis is wrong, that the psychiatrist got it wrong.
I see the expression on a doctor's face pause, attempting to maintain composure, after I say, "I also have DID."
They look as if I've said I did something horrible.
DID is, perhaps, my biggest insecurity.
It's not a matter of IF someone will find out, but WHEN ― and once they do, HOW will they hate me?
DID is supposed to be a covert condition, meaning
- Hidden from everyone
- Even hidden from the person who has it
The brain does all these mental gymnastics once it knows. The easiest default when the human brain can't fathom something is ignorant bliss and denial ― so gaslighting yourself.
I was diagnosed with DID in 2012 and didn't "accept" that diagnosis until 2021.
Feeling as though you're faking DID is "normal", which I find ironic because nothing about DID feels normal to me.
